Suffering Is Optional

Life is hard enough.  Conflict, sadness, and disconnection abound; why create more? Yet created suffering is the bread and butter of many relationships. It’s important to remember that engaging with the carefully curated laundry list of disappointments, ways our needs weren’t meet, how we were wronged, etc. is actually  . .  . Optional! Instead of withdrawing, punishing, coming to your partner with criticism (which you will couch as “just expressing my feelings!”), how about putting all that aside for a moment?

For fairness sake, look at the things that you contributed to the current struggle. And whether you would be ok with your partner having such a large reaction to your mistakes and foibles.

Detach from the contempt and score-keeping and tune into what’s good. What they got right. What you take for granted. Consider for a moment what your life would be like without your person. Decide whether their “wrongdoing” is as bad as you are making it in your mind or if it’s just them being human? By the way, all of this also applies to the situation in which you are being unforgiving and mean to yourself. No need to create suffering for yourself or inside your relationship. Let things go. Lean into gratitude instead.